I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
