i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
