he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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