new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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