Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
