How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
