Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
