Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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