I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
