so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
