He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
