I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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