So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I think my moral compass just broke
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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