if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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