dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
