Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
