where am i from again
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
