you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
