you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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