Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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