good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
