I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Randomize
