I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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