i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
