Midget sex pt 2 tonight
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
