Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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