I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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