I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
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