Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
