I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
