I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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