He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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