What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
