I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
