Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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