I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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