I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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