There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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