Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
