he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
