Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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