Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
