Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
