i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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