I can't breathe out the right side of my face
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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