Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
You work out of a Hotel?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
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