About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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