You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Randomize
