I heard we made out
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
