well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
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