ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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