all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
