There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
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