Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
