I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
so let's talk penis.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Randomize
