What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
