I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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