I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
