That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You made out with two different species that night
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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