Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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