sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I think my nap took me to another dimension
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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