Already got asked if we're dating
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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