lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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