I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize