i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
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