I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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