People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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