I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
