she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
