It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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