they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
