Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
