he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
