Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
