I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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