the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
