Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
it's like iHOP with fire
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
